Is it normal to grieve when a close friend gets married?

It feels wrong to grieve when someone you love is celebrating — but that doesn’t make this feeling any less valid.

Today’s essay is from Diem co-founder, Emma Bates.

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But first, here’s what else people are talking about on Diem:

1. Does this mean I’m queer    

2. Hiding diem from boyfriend   

3. Had a conversation about trans ppl and the Olympics with another couple and I don’t know how to feel about my fiancé right now    

4. Period Envy?   

5. I think I got an uti but Im too scared to tell my parents and bf

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I’m 31 and currently in the middle of the era of life when friends are getting engaged, married, and starting to have babies. I should preface all of what I’m about to write with the fact I also live in Peter-Pan-land aka New York City, where a couple getting married, or even having children, doesn’t feel all that different because we live 15 minutes away from each other — and, despite growing up, we do not behave all that “adult.” For me personally, the feelings of grief would be more pronounced if friends started moving to the suburbs, but I understand this feeling can start far earlier for most.

As I have not yet gotten married, had babies, or moved to the suburbs, my guess is that the feeling of grief might be more pronounced when you haven’t made that life choice yet yourself — whether you’re single or unmarried with a long-term partner. When our close friends go through traditionally big life changes, it could stoke fears of missing out and, due to the differences in life experiences, concerns our close bonds might weaken. Have you found this feeling also comes with one of guilt? That you’re feeling guilty that you’re experiencing anything less than happiness when digesting their big news, or perhaps feeling guilty that you’re centering yourself in someone else’s moment at all?