How do I know when it's abuse?

I changed the thing that seemed the easiest: Myself.

This newsletter is written in partnership with love is respect, a program of the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They offer 24/7 information, support, and advocacy to young people between the ages of 13 and 26 who have questions or concerns about their romantic relationships. They also provide support to concerned friends and family members, teachers, counselors, and other service providers through the same free and confidential services via phone, text, and live chat.

If you or someone you know is dealing with an unhealthy relationship, call 1.866.331.9474 or text LOVEIS to 22522.

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A few weeks ago, I had my first-ever astrology reading. I’m not an astrology girly, but I’m not a skeptic either, and so much of what she explained of my chart over the one-hour session resonated. But there was one insight, particularly, that stood out. Around 2009, she said, something happened that caused me to doubt who I was, a fracture that I’ve been recovering from ever since. At first, nothing came to mind. I wracked my brain. What was happening in 2009?

In 2009, I was sixteen years old. It was when, for all intents and purposes, I began my first real romantic relationship. No relationship starts bad. This one, like so many, came with zero warning signs. It was a crush that came true—he liked music and Harry Potter and making jokes that really, truly made me laugh. We’d drive around getting fast food and hanging out with our shared friends. But then, he made new ones.

What happened next, I know, was always inside him.