Is Lucky Girl Syndrome just toxic positivity?

Or women's way of building confidence? Let's explore.

ICYMI: Lucky Girl Syndrome is one of the latest trends sweeping TikTok, and we need to talk about it. As the name suggests #LuckyGirlSyndrome is the belief that affirmative mantras and a positive mindset in life will bend everyday events in your favor. It’s a weird type of magical thinking, wrapped up in a palatable social media phenomenon. As of writing, the #LuckyGirlSyndrome hashtag has over 266.4 million views on TikTok.

This is, of course, not the first time this type of belief system has gone mainstream. In 2006, The Secret book was published about the power of manifestation (it has now sold over 30 million copies!) and you’ve probably noticed the popularity of vision boards in recent years. In other words, it’s not new for a generation to try and make sense (take control) of their destiny. All of these trends, at their core, draw parallels to the law of attraction—a philosophy that claims the energy from our thoughts attracts and determines whatever we experience in life.

It’s easy to examine Lucky Girl Syndrome through the lens of toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is defined as the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. While there are benefits to being optimistic and engaging in positive thinking, toxic positivity rejects all difficult emotions in favor of a cheerful and often falsely-positive façade. But Lucky Girl Syndrome, unlike other pseudoscientific trends that I typically ignore, feels particularly gendered (beyond its name). Oddly, it’s also extremely appealing. Let’s explore.

“Just try to be as delusional as possible and believe that the things you want can come to you…And then come back and tell me if it didn’t change your life.” — Laura Galebe, 22

Why is Lucky Girl Syndrome taking off right now? Manifesting—no surprise—rose during the pandemic. But specifically, Lucky Girl Syndrome can be traced back to TikTok creator, Laura Galebe, around the holidays. It makes sense—the world is teetering on the edge of a recession with mass layoffs being announced every day. I can’t help but empathize with folks who are trying to gain more control and practice positive thinking in a time of such uncertainty. It’s also proven that having a positive mindset does have a positive impact on your mental well-being. So perhaps Lucky Girls aren’t totally off?

I’ve personally always felt conflicted about manifestation. I do believe there is power in orienting yourself around specific goals. I’ve made vision boards, written out annual goals, made wishes on 11:11, and everything in between. The promise of manifesting is an alluring way to view the world and I tend to like any control I can get. But at the same time, the data-driven part of my brain has a hard time fully leaning in. Experts have long warned us about the negative sides of manifesting—positive thoughts alone can’t make positive things happen, and believing so can lead to extreme disappointment if you don’t achieve the things you manifested. Your environment, your background, and the randomness of the world can’t be ignored.

“One fundamental problem with manifesting, experts say, is that it focuses more on the power of thoughts than on the actions needed to fulfill desires,” says Gabriele Oettingen, a psychology professor at New York University, who has spent decades studying the effect of positive thinking. Though it may seem counterintuitive, she says, “such thoughts are often a hindrance, because they lead to complacency.”

But since discovering this trend I keep wondering something more pernicious—could Lucky Girl Syndrome be a subconscious response to our socialization as women? Are women more susceptible to the allure of manifestation? Is manifestation just another way we try to optimize ourselves in a world that constantly reminds us that we are nowhere near perfect? I would argue that manifesting your future might indicate that you don’t feel entitled to something you want, so you sort of pray for it to happen. Research also suggests that men, in accordance with their masculine social role, feel more entitled to privileges than women do and theories consistently imply that gendered entitlement is a characteristic of men’s power over women in patriarchal societies.

It wouldn’t be the first time women have behaved this way. In this newsletter, we’ve already explored how women tend to blame themselves for their perceived lack of success (see our deep dive on femcels vs. incels). Anecdotally, among my friend groups, I’d say those that fall into the manifesting camp, tend to fall into traditionally underrepresented groups. I’ve never heard any straight white male friends discuss manifesting, even in jest. Perhaps this is reflective of what feels like a big gender gap in how we approach moving through the world—some of us are manifesting and some of us have socialized entitlement. Although there are a variety of definitions of what “entitlement” means, it usually refers to “an individual’s belief in deserving preferential treatment or reward”—you likely don’t need me to reference all the ways men do this, every day.

To quote Simone de Beauvoir, “the most mediocre of males feels himself a demigod as compared with women.” If Lucky Girl Syndrome is one act to build up a level of entitlement in order to move through the world with more confidence, I’m kinda here for it.

What do you think? Does manifesting play a part in your confidence-building regime? Is Lucky Girl Syndrome actually bad? Is it just another proliferation of women’s need to be endlessly optimistic? Give us your hot takes in Diem or in our Substack subscriber chat, linked in the comments.

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What we’re reading…

Women have been misled about menopause (The New York Times)

The New Rules (The Cut)

The enduring, invisible power of blond (The New York Times)

Brain dead women should be used as surrogates (Cosmopolitan)

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Till next week,

Emma

co-founder, Diem

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