I can’t stop recommending the movie Good Luck to You, Leo Grande to anyone who will listen. The TLDR: Nancy Stokes, played by our hero Emma Thompson, is a widow and retired school teacher who has never had an orgasm. So she hires a (gorgeous) sex worker, Leo Grande (played by Daryl McCormack), and throughout the film, she has four distinct meetings with him in the same hotel. The story touches on several important conversations, from gendered power structures to female pleasure to body shame.
This movie resonated so deeply with me—with its primary messages being so different than anything I’ve seen depicted on the screen before—that it actually makes me emotional to reflect on. I wish there were more films like this in mainstream media because it’s clear that it could have a profound impact on how we talk about body acceptance and female desire. In fact, I feel like the film is the epitome of the things we don’t talk about.
For example, Nancy explains in one scene that she has only ever slept with her—now deceased—husband and has never had an orgasm during sex or on her own. Leo asks why she hasn’t slept with anyone since his passing, saying he’s sure there are people who would want to have sex with her. In response, she says, “yes, there are lots of them but they’re all old, I don’t want any of them…I want a young body. But I understand I have to pay for that.” We literally never talk (publicly) about an older woman wanting a younger man, a younger body, because we don’t talk about the fact that women also objectify men, albeit in a less aggressive, more private way. In other words, we’re of course familiar with the overdone narrative of a young man with his “cougar” or a “MILF” female partner. But a woman wanting to date someone younger still feels like a foreign concept.
I’ve also observed that when women have children they seem to be desexualized by society at large. Isn’t this bizarre, given that women are hypersexualized since their teenage years? Women of all ages have desires and seek pleasure, and there is value in that. But perhaps that truth is also clouded by our view of the female body as a vessel (for reproduction, male pleasure, etc.), and so women feel shame and doubt when they feel natural desire.
“I won't be faking it. I don't do that. Not anymore” — Nancy Stokes
Thompson, in a podcast interview on NPR, talks further about why she thinks the film’s portrayal of female orgasm is so powerful. “It resonates because of the idea that the female orgasm somehow has to be performative because the female orgasm is there to convince the man that he's managed it, he's achieved it. He's done the thing he's supposed to do for the woman. To be honest, brutally honest, an awful lot of men don't concern themselves with the female orgasm. They don't care. It's remarkably kind of unemotionally developed and yet a sort of shared experience that leads to that kind of intense and releasing pleasure is actually available to us all.”
This type of conversation around female pleasure is not a new conversation, but it being at the forefront of a mainstream film with an iconic actress is huge.
But the moment I keep thinking about most from the film happened in its final 30 seconds. It’s a completely radical shot of Emma Thompson, standing totally naked looking at herself in the mirror, after her first-ever orgasm. Something I think a lot about is how much precious brain power we spend thinking about how much we hate various areas of our body. I know I’m not alone in this, but Thompson’s take on this final scene summed up all my feelings succinctly, so I’ll leave you with her thoughts:
“It is radical because, normally, the bodies that we choose to put on screen have been treated in some way. They're either bodies that conform to what we've decided is the ideal, which is impossible for most people to achieve, which is why most women will look in the mirror or not look in the mirror because they experience a kind of loathing or hatred or, at the very least, a dissatisfaction… when I was trying to work out how I wanted her to stand, I went and looked at all the old medieval pictures of Eve in the Garden of Eden. Because I thought, well, she wasn't self-conscious. I wonder how - I know it's all male artists, but at the same time, all those medieval Eves are standing kind of…they just stand with one leg slightly bent, very relaxed. And that's what I took as my inspiration for her stance. I think what [this scene] did for me certainly was it made me re-recognize… the waste of time that non-acceptance of one's body is. It's a waste of our time. And God knows I've wasted a lot of time. And, of course, that's not my fault, actually, because the iconography that surrounds us is absolutely inescapable.”
Are there any movies or TV shows that have felt radical to you? Let us know in the brand new Diem TV Guide.
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What We’re Reading…
👀 Motherhood isn’t helping me make friends (The Cut)
👀 The cool mom myth (The Cut)
👀 Is Gen Z killing vintage fashion (Elle)
👀 A very real thread on breastfeeding (Twitter)
From last week’s Diem Doc on Solo Travel Guide for Women…
Trust Your Gut On Who You Feel Safe With & Never Walk Home Alone
I traveled alone for the first time solo earlier this year and spent a whole month in Oaxaca City, Mexico. I was really excited to do this but as I got closer to the date, I became more nervous thinking about how I only know how to converse with simple words and phrases. I knew enough Spanish not to be fooled, but definitely not enough to get out of every situation. I stayed really close to the town square so there were always families and people walking around, as well as brightly lit lights. I would recommend anyone to try traveling alone, because that was the first time I felt sheer freedom and limitless choice and power to do what I wanted. You’ll naturally meet many people on your journey and trust your gut if the people you’ve found have good energy and you feel safe/comfortable around. Never be afraid to ask those friends if they can walk home with you. The good ones always will. – 27, Dallas
Read the rest or contribute, here.
Till next time,
Emma
co-founder, Diem