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“We need our own receipts”
The art of knowing your worth.
“Women have internalized so much oppression that we negotiate ourselves down before telling anyone else our number.”
A lot of people ask me about how I personally negotiate and I never have concrete advice to give, as my actual worth is something I still feel painfully uncomfortable acknowledging. I’m generally confident, but I often surprise myself at how stumped I become when trying to articulate my value (whether that’s the cost of my time or ideas). But listening to Aba speak so openly—and candidly—about negotiation in this conversation has truly changed the way I think about personal worth.
During our conversation, Aba shared a salary negotiating experience she had with a startup a few years back, where she used negotiation tips her (cis, white, male) friend gave her. The tactics worked wonders for him, but when she used them, the startup accused her of “not being a team player.” Since then, she’s developed the following the negotiating tactics that do work for her:
Start a “Yay” folder. Aba keeps a folder of professional compliments she’s received, achievements she’s proud of, and milestones she’s reached. Why? “We need our own receipts.”
Make professional allies. “Like it or not, we still live in a world where most executives are probably going to be men.” The more allies you have across your team and industry, the easier it will be to get ahead.
Get uncomfortable. If you’re incredibly uncomfortable while throwing out numbers that make your head swirl, you’re doing it right.
While I’m inspired by Aba’s acute ability to value herself, she was also inspired by someone else: Cindy Gallop. Gallop is the founder and CEO of MakeLoveNotPorn and an all-around badass when it comes to business. After hearing Gallop speak a few years ago, Aba was blown away by her approach to negotiating, which is to ask for the most ludicrous number she can think of without bursting into laughter. Aba has employed that strategy ever since and is now “more willing than ever to ask for a ridiculous amount of money.” At the end of the day, it’s a much better tactic than low-balling yourself, which ultimately stems from our fear of rejection and a scarcity mindset.
I think there’s something really powerful here. Cindy passed her negotiating wisdom on to Aba, Aba passed that advice over to me (and fellow Diemers), and now I want you to have the knowledge too (please pass it on!). This chain of conversation is, quite literally, why we built Diem—to have a central place for these candid conversations to happen more frequently.
So from here on out, whenever I’m in a negotiation, I promise to make myself feel painfully uncomfortable asking for exactly what I know I’m worth, because frankly, we all need more money. Will you join me?
If you’re in need of a pep talk, you can listen to all of Abadesi’s wisdom and tips in Diem, all conversations are recorded and saved forever. Download the Diem app via App Store or Google Play. If you’re already in Diem, click here. If you loved this, our next Session with Hustle Crew will be live next Wednesday at 2pm EST.
What we’re reading...
⚖️ The truth about “equal partnership.” According to Professor Jennifer Petriglieri, a “couple that works” is elusive for many women. What this really means is that it’s hard to find a male partner that values your career as much as his own. In fact, a survey of Harvard Business School alumni found that most women expect to be in egalitarian marriages, but the majority of men expect their own careers to take priority. (Harvard Business Review)
🤫 The things they don’t tell you about “maybe” motherhood. One year ago, writer Ellie Fazan asked her friend if he wanted to try and have a baby with her. While she was ready for unconventional co-parenting, she didn’t expect the long and sexist fertility journey that followed. (The Power Outlet)
Who we’re Dieming with this week…
To “Diem with” someone means to candidly exchange knowledge. Here’s a handful of the people we are learning from (in the Diem app) this week.
How to align your brand with your customer needs… TUESDAY at 1PM PST | 4PM EST, Brand Strategist Megan Raynor will be sharing knowledge on how to connect with your customer. Listen live in Diem here.
How to do your own PR… WEDNESDAY 10AM PST | 1PM EST, join PR whizz Lara Vandenberg for a conversation on how to do your own PR, navigating entrepreneurship and more. Listen live in Diem here.
Embracing self love and building self confidence… WEDNESDAY AT 2PM EST | 7PM GMT, as part of our partnership with Hustle Crew, Jaz Broughton will be sharing wisdom on how to build your self confidence. Listen live in Diem here.
Challenging white supremacy in my marriage… WEDNESDAY AT 2.30PM EST join writer, Varuna Srinivasan as they share more about attending couples therapy as a means to challenging white supremacy in marriage (based off their article for The Power Outlet). Listen live in Diem here.
Going global… WEDNESDAY at 3PM PST | 6PM EST join Jordan & Anouk Rondel, as they talk cadndidly about the ups and downs of expanding their business, The Caker, globally. Listen live in Diem here.
See you next week,