What do you do when married life isn't great?
"I’m almost positive he’s not even attracted to me anymore."
Let’s break down one of last week’s most popular posts.
But first, here’s what else people are talking about on Diem:
“I quite literally do everything around our apartment from cleaning to cooking to taking care of the dog to making sure things are paid on time,” this Diemer continues. “He doesn’t even offer to help and if I ask him, he complains about it. There is absolutely no romance or affection.”
Can the relationship be salvaged, or are there too many red flags to fix? Let’s see what Diemers are saying.
LEAVE HIM!
The phrase "married single mom" (or "married single housewife") refers to a situation where a woman in a marriage is primarily or entirely responsible for the care of her children, often while her husband is less involved Men only know how to take, and take, and take, why do you think I'm booting them out of my life... Trying to get aftercare from them it's like trying to squeeze water from a dry sponge It's time to find someone else to help you get him to pay for a nanny
You need to get out of this relationship as soon as possible. He feels entitled to a women's free labour and that it's your job to serve him as your "god". This entitlement will never stop because of patriarchy. So, if you want to live a happy and healthy life, LEAVE as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to leave. I left my abusive marriage, which started exactly like yours, 20yrs ago and haven't regretted since.
Help him:
there are a lot of comments here saying it's over. marriage is work, relationships are work and they only end when one of the parties chooses to not make the effort. often I find I simply need to ask or express my needs and feelings to motivate my loved ones into action. you have to figure out if they are actively protesting supporting you, blissfully unaware that you need support, they don't how to support you or do they lack the capacity to support you they way you need? I believe most people want to help us. They just don't know how or can't. We have to help ourselves. You need to do things for you and let them do things for them.
It sounds like he might be depressed too. I would highly recommend having him go to the doctor to get his testosterone levels checked. My husband has unexplained low testosterone and has to take shots and I can literally tell how his levels are based on how often he tries to have sex. And when they’re low he doesn’t wanna walk the dog or be intimate or do anything other than play games and sleep. So low testosterone looks a lot like depression.
Help YOU:
Women are literally programmed to not find men appealing sexually or as a partner if we evolve into a Mother role. If hes acting like a child and also not receptive to you asking him to make changes, then you really need to consider making drastic changes. I would recommend having one final conversation about your expectations and that you find his behavior unacceptable and if he is receptive, good. If hes not, then treat him as a roommate to see if anything changes. Make food for yourself and not him, only do your laundry, dont clean anything of his and focus on yourself in therapy, with your friends, hobbies, or whatever makes you happy. If you focusing on yourself and doing what makes you feel good, and he literally isnt adding anything to your life but stress then consider leaving him. You cant continue adding resentment to your relationship it will eventually implode so something needs to shift and you deserve to get your needs met
Maintain a good relationship with your female friends. They will add to your life. Not just ranting and advice taking, but actually go out and do fun activities with them. Most women tend to immediately make their husband the center of their world after marriage. You need a strong support system to be with you physically. And communicate with your husband, whether he really wants to get better and that if he is fine with how things are, it will drain your life energy to maintain this marriage one sidedly.
Have your own thoughts? Why don’t you…
ICYMI
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Propaganda and Ex-Girlfriend Grief
At a time of such uncertainty and negative news cycles, wouldn’t it be fun to build a few things that were designed purely to spark joy and bring back memories of our girlhood? So we did just that! ICYMI: The first app is called twin flame.
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