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Vanisha Singh's avatar

The title made me think and dig deeper. I am sorry for your loss but feel the weight that has been lifted by this major insignificant life event (if thats a thing). There is probably so much more you could dwell into that, any of would not speak or let out. While my mother remains alive and healthy she is yet to showcase what it is to be a mother. I have never thought about what would life be without her as her impact is minimal. I grew up most of my childhood without my parents and feel I was completely robbed of a relationship with them. While I have tried to curate a new one, I find myself seeking some sort of approval or validation. She will find every way possible to talk about her sisters daughters and their achievements but chooses to ignore what we have accomplished. Somedays I wish I could have some sort of mother figure to help me along as it is even harder to portray a good mother to your daughter when you have not grown up with one. This hit home hard "I’m relieved she is gone, not because I wanted her to be, but because I no longer have to live with any of that hanging over my head."

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Alicia Banaszewski's avatar

I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing with us.

I've been no contact with my abusive mother for about a year and a half. I struggled my way through McCurdy's memoir and couldn't help but think "well, my mom wasn't that bad...but not that far off, either." Mother's Day ~season~ is such a weird time. The amount of texts, emails, and ads about it nearly suffocated me this past week and has had me on a fragile edge.

This essay made me feel a little less alone in the "we deserved better while but also wanted better FOR THEM" boat. It's so hard. <3

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