May 9, 2023Liked by Luiza Bargo, The Things We Don't Talk About
The title made me think and dig deeper. I am sorry for your loss but feel the weight that has been lifted by this major insignificant life event (if thats a thing). There is probably so much more you could dwell into that, any of would not speak or let out. While my mother remains alive and healthy she is yet to showcase what it is to be a mother. I have never thought about what would life be without her as her impact is minimal. I grew up most of my childhood without my parents and feel I was completely robbed of a relationship with them. While I have tried to curate a new one, I find myself seeking some sort of approval or validation. She will find every way possible to talk about her sisters daughters and their achievements but chooses to ignore what we have accomplished. Somedays I wish I could have some sort of mother figure to help me along as it is even harder to portray a good mother to your daughter when you have not grown up with one. This hit home hard "I’m relieved she is gone, not because I wanted her to be, but because I no longer have to live with any of that hanging over my head."
May 9, 2023·edited May 9, 2023Liked by Luiza Bargo, The Things We Don't Talk About
I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing with us.
I've been no contact with my abusive mother for about a year and a half. I struggled my way through McCurdy's memoir and couldn't help but think "well, my mom wasn't that bad...but not that far off, either." Mother's Day ~season~ is such a weird time. The amount of texts, emails, and ads about it nearly suffocated me this past week and has had me on a fragile edge.
This essay made me feel a little less alone in the "we deserved better while but also wanted better FOR THEM" boat. It's so hard. <3
May 9, 2023Liked by Luiza Bargo, The Things We Don't Talk About
I too, read "I'm glad my mother is dead," and am estranged from my mentally ill, narcissistic mother, who prefers to stay high rather than work on herself in therapy so that she could be a decent parent and human being. I had quite the reaction when my drug addicted father passed in 2020 despite the fact that he disappeared from my life when I was 3. I think I always had this fantasy of him resurfacing and wanting to make amends. When he died, that fantasy shattered. I never even got to say goodbye. I wonder sometimes, how I'll react when my mother passes. I have no illusions that she will ever make amends or apologize for the decades of abuse. I said my goodbyes years ago, so at least I have that closure.
The title made me think and dig deeper. I am sorry for your loss but feel the weight that has been lifted by this major insignificant life event (if thats a thing). There is probably so much more you could dwell into that, any of would not speak or let out. While my mother remains alive and healthy she is yet to showcase what it is to be a mother. I have never thought about what would life be without her as her impact is minimal. I grew up most of my childhood without my parents and feel I was completely robbed of a relationship with them. While I have tried to curate a new one, I find myself seeking some sort of approval or validation. She will find every way possible to talk about her sisters daughters and their achievements but chooses to ignore what we have accomplished. Somedays I wish I could have some sort of mother figure to help me along as it is even harder to portray a good mother to your daughter when you have not grown up with one. This hit home hard "I’m relieved she is gone, not because I wanted her to be, but because I no longer have to live with any of that hanging over my head."
I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing with us.
I've been no contact with my abusive mother for about a year and a half. I struggled my way through McCurdy's memoir and couldn't help but think "well, my mom wasn't that bad...but not that far off, either." Mother's Day ~season~ is such a weird time. The amount of texts, emails, and ads about it nearly suffocated me this past week and has had me on a fragile edge.
This essay made me feel a little less alone in the "we deserved better while but also wanted better FOR THEM" boat. It's so hard. <3
I too, read "I'm glad my mother is dead," and am estranged from my mentally ill, narcissistic mother, who prefers to stay high rather than work on herself in therapy so that she could be a decent parent and human being. I had quite the reaction when my drug addicted father passed in 2020 despite the fact that he disappeared from my life when I was 3. I think I always had this fantasy of him resurfacing and wanting to make amends. When he died, that fantasy shattered. I never even got to say goodbye. I wonder sometimes, how I'll react when my mother passes. I have no illusions that she will ever make amends or apologize for the decades of abuse. I said my goodbyes years ago, so at least I have that closure.