The socioeconomic reality of having children in the U.S. means that if you have 3+ children, then you're either (a) wealthy and/or (b) religious.
Generally speaking, having more than 2 children is a "flex" and having 4+ means you're "rich rich." I came across a TikTok video (can't find it again ugh!) that explained how babies *can* be a luxury, but they don't have to be.
While it's a generalizing and comical take, I found the breakdown to be roughly accurate based on my experiences as a mom in tech to 2 young children.
The creator described the analogy of "babies as designer bags". First, there are "FashionNova babies" who don't go to preschool, are cared for by family members (typically a stay-at-home-mom or grandma), and don't do any extracurricular activities. Second, there are "Coach babies" who go fancy preschools, are cared for by nannies, and do extracurricular activities like martial arts and piano. Third, there are "Birkin babies" who go to $50K+/year preschools, are cared for by SAHM and/or multiple nannies, and have trust funds before they're born. Most families in Type 1 and Type 2 have 1-2 children; families in Type 3 often have 3+ more children.
The other thing this reminds me of, is how this has become a partisan issue and how it relates to the rise of Trump and the shift to Republicans (as well as to just not voting!) among non university degreed whites in the United States. While not a Trump supporter myself, a core reason that so many of us (as a member of this demographic myself) resent professional class white Democrats so much is that they have come to largely not just believe in and promote but also aggresively push and propogandize the idea, in effect, that non-university-degreed white Americans are "inferior" to themselves and should not reproduce, at least not if poor or struggling..
In affect, they promote the idea that poorer and less educated whites should die out basically, all the while refussing to admit this openly or to fully apply similer soceoeconomic principals to other demographics. But they say as much, but then gaslight us while actively supressing comments in opposition within most online platforms and media sites. So of course my demographic has turned against them. Remember that Trump is from a small business background and his mother was once a made who grew up in poverty. His parents were not not college educated, and the elder Trump only became wealthy as Donald was growing up. Trump was in other words not actually born to wealth, though he was certianly born to class privilege, but of a sort that much of his base is personally familiar with through someone in their extended family, church, their own boss(!) etc etc. He is just a now much wealthier and bigger version of it.
But this idea of childbaring as a privilege as actually applied in the form of active stigma (and sometimes worse) of less class priviledged families with kids, actually reflects a sort of white supremicist stratagy, but one that instead of promoting notions of inherant superiority, calls for white Americans in parricular to actively invest in becoming a far MORE priviledged and wealthy (then is presantly the case) future minority. And to the extent it spreads out to other groups which it HAS to a significant degree, has also led the disproportionate decline in birth rates for black amd other women of color since 2010...
This is a one of the key ways that progreessive minded white elites in the west, but especially in the United States, have come to manage their sense of unease as social justice minded but very priveleged yet insecure people in an era of demographic change who feel uncomfortable with their privilege yet don't want to loose anything durring the transition. And from this perspective, other so called white people such as myself are in their way even with our very existsnce!
Interesting way of discribing things, -I would say that having 3 or more kids in the US when not wealthy (especially if poor) tends to means one is religious and/or rather culturally conservative (at least in some respects) OR very alternative and (viewed by most) as irresponsible nowdays. Kids as a luxury item is not just about costs but about a moral belief system that also acts as a social pressure, one that has been growing in recent decades and affects even many who reject it in theory. But many also simply do not follow it.
I was raised poor in an urban area by a disabled hippy artist mom and (part time) by her blue collar ex husband. My mom lost friends over her insistance on not getting an abortion and trying to raise me, -and I am a single child and am in my 40's now. But that was progressive big city culture on the west coast even back then (it was not regionally dominant back then however) which my mom and I were gradually pressured out of.
Those who raised me have now passed on but we all ended up in the exurbs/far suburbs and not entirely by choise! I have cousins of modest means who are now grandparents, and their kids also in their 20's, not homeowners, also of modest means, having kids and struggling but not regreting it. But others are sort of stalled out as perhaps they have set the bar too high if they want familes. I still have no family of my own but do want one. I had a painful childhood and young adulthood but some of it was wonderful. But I also still live with a lot of sadness and regrets. So, I guess I really want to do better for any kids of my own! But I don't judge those trying their best with little. I remember those who raised me and all they sacraficed for my being which I am truly greatful for.
I am a former liberal now independent male of European descent (the latter shouldn't be relavent yet it sadly is within this context) who is still struggling but also somewhat striving or at least trying to, to get fully on my feet and have a good life! But the idea of kids as a luxury males clear to me just how much many progressive urban proffesionals (I don't mean you, just in general) in the United States have come to view people like me as freaks, even as people who should not exist. Well, anyway we still exist and some may even want to continue us down the line...
Loved this and it made me think a lot. Especially as someone who wants kids in the future...I often ask myself how much will I have to sacrifice in order to give them the life I want to be able to provide? Will I have to give up all the hours in my day to work full time/over time in order to save up the money? Will I have to then give up my job to be a full time mom? Will I have to find a job that I like enough to work full time that also offers good health care and maternity leave? What if I don't want to live where my family is located... A lot to think about. I think it's good that we are becoming more intentional to have children. Yet I also believe it should not be costing this much financially and spiritually for those of us who do decide to conceive...
The socioeconomic reality of having children in the U.S. means that if you have 3+ children, then you're either (a) wealthy and/or (b) religious.
Generally speaking, having more than 2 children is a "flex" and having 4+ means you're "rich rich." I came across a TikTok video (can't find it again ugh!) that explained how babies *can* be a luxury, but they don't have to be.
While it's a generalizing and comical take, I found the breakdown to be roughly accurate based on my experiences as a mom in tech to 2 young children.
The creator described the analogy of "babies as designer bags". First, there are "FashionNova babies" who don't go to preschool, are cared for by family members (typically a stay-at-home-mom or grandma), and don't do any extracurricular activities. Second, there are "Coach babies" who go fancy preschools, are cared for by nannies, and do extracurricular activities like martial arts and piano. Third, there are "Birkin babies" who go to $50K+/year preschools, are cared for by SAHM and/or multiple nannies, and have trust funds before they're born. Most families in Type 1 and Type 2 have 1-2 children; families in Type 3 often have 3+ more children.
The other thing this reminds me of, is how this has become a partisan issue and how it relates to the rise of Trump and the shift to Republicans (as well as to just not voting!) among non university degreed whites in the United States. While not a Trump supporter myself, a core reason that so many of us (as a member of this demographic myself) resent professional class white Democrats so much is that they have come to largely not just believe in and promote but also aggresively push and propogandize the idea, in effect, that non-university-degreed white Americans are "inferior" to themselves and should not reproduce, at least not if poor or struggling..
In affect, they promote the idea that poorer and less educated whites should die out basically, all the while refussing to admit this openly or to fully apply similer soceoeconomic principals to other demographics. But they say as much, but then gaslight us while actively supressing comments in opposition within most online platforms and media sites. So of course my demographic has turned against them. Remember that Trump is from a small business background and his mother was once a made who grew up in poverty. His parents were not not college educated, and the elder Trump only became wealthy as Donald was growing up. Trump was in other words not actually born to wealth, though he was certianly born to class privilege, but of a sort that much of his base is personally familiar with through someone in their extended family, church, their own boss(!) etc etc. He is just a now much wealthier and bigger version of it.
But this idea of childbaring as a privilege as actually applied in the form of active stigma (and sometimes worse) of less class priviledged families with kids, actually reflects a sort of white supremicist stratagy, but one that instead of promoting notions of inherant superiority, calls for white Americans in parricular to actively invest in becoming a far MORE priviledged and wealthy (then is presantly the case) future minority. And to the extent it spreads out to other groups which it HAS to a significant degree, has also led the disproportionate decline in birth rates for black amd other women of color since 2010...
This is a one of the key ways that progreessive minded white elites in the west, but especially in the United States, have come to manage their sense of unease as social justice minded but very priveleged yet insecure people in an era of demographic change who feel uncomfortable with their privilege yet don't want to loose anything durring the transition. And from this perspective, other so called white people such as myself are in their way even with our very existsnce!
Interesting way of discribing things, -I would say that having 3 or more kids in the US when not wealthy (especially if poor) tends to means one is religious and/or rather culturally conservative (at least in some respects) OR very alternative and (viewed by most) as irresponsible nowdays. Kids as a luxury item is not just about costs but about a moral belief system that also acts as a social pressure, one that has been growing in recent decades and affects even many who reject it in theory. But many also simply do not follow it.
I was raised poor in an urban area by a disabled hippy artist mom and (part time) by her blue collar ex husband. My mom lost friends over her insistance on not getting an abortion and trying to raise me, -and I am a single child and am in my 40's now. But that was progressive big city culture on the west coast even back then (it was not regionally dominant back then however) which my mom and I were gradually pressured out of.
Those who raised me have now passed on but we all ended up in the exurbs/far suburbs and not entirely by choise! I have cousins of modest means who are now grandparents, and their kids also in their 20's, not homeowners, also of modest means, having kids and struggling but not regreting it. But others are sort of stalled out as perhaps they have set the bar too high if they want familes. I still have no family of my own but do want one. I had a painful childhood and young adulthood but some of it was wonderful. But I also still live with a lot of sadness and regrets. So, I guess I really want to do better for any kids of my own! But I don't judge those trying their best with little. I remember those who raised me and all they sacraficed for my being which I am truly greatful for.
I am a former liberal now independent male of European descent (the latter shouldn't be relavent yet it sadly is within this context) who is still struggling but also somewhat striving or at least trying to, to get fully on my feet and have a good life! But the idea of kids as a luxury males clear to me just how much many progressive urban proffesionals (I don't mean you, just in general) in the United States have come to view people like me as freaks, even as people who should not exist. Well, anyway we still exist and some may even want to continue us down the line...
Loved this and it made me think a lot. Especially as someone who wants kids in the future...I often ask myself how much will I have to sacrifice in order to give them the life I want to be able to provide? Will I have to give up all the hours in my day to work full time/over time in order to save up the money? Will I have to then give up my job to be a full time mom? Will I have to find a job that I like enough to work full time that also offers good health care and maternity leave? What if I don't want to live where my family is located... A lot to think about. I think it's good that we are becoming more intentional to have children. Yet I also believe it should not be costing this much financially and spiritually for those of us who do decide to conceive...